When I was brought in on the Oberon Biofeedback project, I was asked to re-write their website copy. The vast majority of their copy was either non-compliant or so highly technical and jargon-filled that it was useless. Here’s a sample of the original copy:
|Bioresonance or Bio Resonance is based on the concept and observation that all living organisms and their components, the cells, tissues and organs, emit measurable electromagnetic waves. The frequency of these waves can vary from cell to cell or organ to organ and from tissue to tissue, based on their biochemical and physiological environment. Accordingly, these can vary in responses to a variety of stresses from biochemical and physiological responses to pathogens, allergens, chemicals, or alteration in DNA. It has also been shown and measured that electromagnetic waves or oscillations emitted by diseased organs including cancer cells vary from those emitted by healthy cells due to their differences in cell metabolism and DNA damage.
By working with different tissues and organs under different pathological conditions it has been shown that each disease state elicits its own signature resonance frequency compared to the healthy ones. With modern electronic equipment it allows non-invasive scans for diagnosing different diseases. These diagnostic scans are not only non-invasive but can help diagnose even before the disease is full blown. The BioResonance Machine from Oberon diagnostic is state of the art machine built with industry’s pioneering and most advanced hardware and software technology.
Here’s an example of a re-write that I performed on one of their pages:
|Oberon Biofeedback devices are non-linear biofeedback systems (NLS). They combine advanced information technology with the active homeostatic control.
Recent advances in computerized scanning allow for the analysis of a body’s homeostasis. The Oberon system is the most sensitive and active homeostasis control program in the world today.
Scientists at the Institute of Practical Psychophysics proposed a theory. They surmised that the human body had an energetic framework. What if this electromagnetic information framework could respond to external radiation?
Researchers examined many alternative healing methods. They developed a device capable of reading the frequency of this energetic framework. The device uses specially tuned magnetic oscillations, then records these frequencies as data.
Each organ and cell has its own distinct oscillations. This data can be stored in computer memory and displayed on the screen as a graph. As the organ, tissue, or cell interacts with its environment, information is exchanged. If there is any organ or tissue damage, this interaction changes. The Oberon biofeedback system measures the change in this interaction.
Because every person is unique, each person’s energetic framework will vary. The Oberon biofeedback system takes a person’s age, sex, and other variables into account. This allows it to distinguish between a normal state and a damaged state.
The Oberon biofeedback system is unique because of its hardware and software. The hardware correctly gathers information about the body. The software analyzes this information and presents it in a useful way.
In retrospect, I’m still not entirely happy with this copy. The F-K score says that the average reading level for this text is grade 11.9, which is generally much higher than I prefer. However, the target audience for this material consists of naturopathic and medical doctors, so I do feel that the increased F-K score will be less damaging with a better educated audience.